Life gave me lemons last night and based on this headache, I put them in my vodka.
My wife nominated me to do the ice bucket challenge. I'm a little confused. Has anyone else been asked to hold a toaster at the same time?
If I can hear you breathing through your nose there's a good chance I think you're an asshole.
Calm down, Little League parents. Save some obnoxiousness for the rest of us.